I was surfing on Neowin the today, and I saw a post that struck a note close to home.

How do i learn to trust my g/f? Im wat you call a paraoid person. My g/f goes to a college about 4 hours away and we try to see each other once a month or more. She tells me that she loves me alot and all that stuff and that everybody she meets she tells them about me.

She hasn’t done anything wrong, but how do I learn to trust her, because I always find myself thinking the worst. I really do like her and want to trust her, but I’m as stubborn as a female about believing her.

We have been together for almost 2 years.

This sounded a LOT like what I had been through with my ex a few months back, so I felt like I needed to share some advice. My reply was as follows:

Having gone through this (on both sides of the coin), I’m going to ask you a question… something that’s come up in my relationships.

Do you feel that you need to know that your relationship is “ok” to be happy? The reason I ask this is to find out where your feelings of insecurity are. Have you been hurt by someone else in the past? Have you hurt someone else?

A friend of mine has a good quote:

Regret is a killer. It eats up your energy. Here’s some key wisdom for you. Living is learning to let go. The degree to which you can let go of your regrets and mistakes is the degree to which you can live your life well. It is not something that’s easy to do, but it’s worthwhile learning how to do.

The key part – letting go. That’s exactly what trust is. It’s letting go of a piece of yourself and allowing the other person full control of it. Once you’ve learned to truly let go, you actually don’t get hurt as badly if things go wrong, since it was no longer yours anyways.

You’re trying to hold onto something. What that something is, nobody here can put into words. You have to learn for yourself what it is that you’re afraid of and pass through that fear.