MonthAugust 2006


Love is the most rewarding and destructive emotion. It can make you fly above the clouds, or it can bury you deep into the ground. Often when we are hurt, it is by the ones that we love the most, or care about the most. If we are hurt, we turn to the ones we love.

I stumbled upon my chat logs from about a month ago today. They were between my girlfriend and I back when we were going through a really rough patch. Things have been pretty rocky ever since, but they’re on the mend.

I’ve always been curious to see what I can handle. When it came to school, I kept on pushing myself harder and faster – things had to be done now, and they had to be done right. My day in my last year of high school would start at 5:30 in the morning, and end at midnight or so. Things haven’t really slowed down since then, but they’re not quite as crazy. This past month has shown me that I can take a beating and just keep on going.

I’ve never considered suicide as a solution to anything, since all it does is hurt the other people in your life who do care about you (and even if you think there aren’t any, they’re there – you just need to look harder). My friend Jean-Sebastien has been a great help to me lately. I’ve been able to talk to him about anything without any fear of judgment or embarrassment. He told me something back when things were at their worst, and I’ll never forget it:

You only have two outcomes in life, never less, never more. You live or you die. If it won’t kill you, you’ll live, as painful as what you may be feeling may be.

It’s simple but it’s true. If the chips are down, there’s only one place to go – up. It’s up to you to decide which path you take out of the hole. I’m going to go hand in hand with the woman I love.


Ok… so I’ve just wasted about 2 hours trying to figure out a problem with my computer… that isn’t even my problem!!! I’ll get more into that later…

Anyways… I had been introduced to Hamachi a while back, but I didn’t really see the point in it. So it creates a virtual LAN… I don’t game much, and I can always access my files from home over FTP. Recently, I found it again, and it’s improved.

Ever tried to set up port forwarding for multiple computers? You don’t need to anymore. Let’s say that we’ve got three computers in our network – DesktopA, DesktopB, and Laptop. Both Desktops are at home, while the Laptop is in… Nepal (or whatever). If all three computers have Hamachi installed, you can just connect using Remote Desktop to “DesktopA” – that’s it! No forwarding port 3389 to or any crap like that.

I’ve got it installed on my computers at home and my laptop, so wherever I am, I can browse my Windows Shares, and easily connect to Remote Desktop.

So anyways – the problem I was having? It’s basically that my university won’t allow me to connect through Hamachi to home while I’m connected to their VPN servers. So I’m sitting here for about two hours trying to figure this out, when I try that one thing that’s different and everything works just fine. *argh*

That’s not to mention the fact that the wireless servers here at my university are completely fucked. Either the VPN servers will disconnect you at random, or the WPA servers will decide that they need to re-check your identity at random… I’m off to write an angry e-mail right now…

Check it out for yourself…

New computer(s)

So my parents are selling their house and moving out to their island home. They’ve got an old Dell computer that they’ve been using for a long time to check their e-mails, surf the web, etc etc etc… but it’s showing it’s signs of age. PIII 700MHz, 128MB RAM… you get the idea.

So… they bought a Dell I6400. Boy is this thing fast… If only I had been able to wait a couple of months before buying my computer… Anyways – that’s what I’m working on right now – formatting it and installing all the software that they need.

In exchange for my “hard” work… I get their old desktop. It’s an Athlon 1GHz, with 512MB of RAM, but it’ll be a good fileserver and test box. The damn thing has been going strong for 6 years now…

I’m also getting a bunch of old furniture from here. A couch, TV, couple of chests of drawers, simple stuff, but it’ll make my place a lot more comfortable.

So yeah… I’m just chillin… waiting for tomorrow.

FTP Clients

Why can’t people just make a good FTP client? I’ve tried just about every FTP client I can find out there… and none of them fit my needs.

What I need:

  • SSH2 connectivity
  • Stable
  • MDI (not required, but definately a plus)
  • Permalinks in local view
  • Single EXE

I’ve tried lots of FTP clients lately to find what I like… and none of them fit the bill!

  • Filezilla – Local view sucks.
  • WS_FTP – Hangs when waiting for “file exists” action on SSH connections
  • CuteFTP – Uses a separate transfer manager…. why?
  • SmartFTP – No SSH support

Anyways… this sucks. Right now I’m using Filezilla, since I can at least work around the crappy local view, but the fact that it doesn’t list any “favorite locations” is a bit of a piss-off. I actually have to type in C:Documents and SettingsZxianMy Documents to get to My Documents… come on!

If someone can find me a better FTP client than one of the ones listed, please let me know… =)

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